Feminism, Mysogeny and a Day in the Life of a Man named Dave

Every day I wake up and face the same battle. I am beset on all sides by those who would take advantage of me at the first sign of weakness, or do me malice at the first opportunity. Furthermore, I live in the midst of a population of children who simultaneously brighten my day and drive me insane. Their exhausting presence is only bested by the estrogenic labyrinth that I must daily navigate. Amongst my ex-wife and mother, who will be left free of adjectives for political reasons, and my recently pregnant gf, whose horrible all-day 'morning' sickness seems to have given her occasion to visit upon me the most imaginative verbal descriptions of my shortcomings, it is a miracle that I survive. Immodestly perhaps, and to my credit, a lesser man would not. Fortunately, I have aged (just) enough to have acquired the wisdom to merely laugh (but if you hear any of them tell it, my greatest wisdom should be the knowledge that I really have none). You see, one must laugh, if they are to save themselves from crying - one's own crying or that of the children, or worse, that of the estrogen.

One thing I have observed is that women operate and communicate largely in the figurative whereas men operate almost exclusively in the literal. If a man says he wants a hammer for his birthday, he means that he wants a hammer for his birthday. If a woman says that she really doesn't like diamonds and that she doesn't want anything for her birthday, it is a code that means you damnwell better get her something for her birthday and if it is a diamond (which it had better be) it had better be large enough that she can justify liking it even though she 'really doesn't like diamonds'. This might sound like a mysogenistic tirade against women, but to the contrary, it is an admission that their contention about my so-called wisdom is true. Indeed to the credit of all women, they are operating at a metaphoric and symbolic level of linguistics so complex and variable that even the greatest wisdom of man could never hope to crack the code. Men are baffled and intimidated by this puzzle of communication with no possibility of ever understanding. And what's worse is how perfectly all women seem to understand each other, further emasculating the inadequate male and relegating him to a position of stupidity and inferiority in his inabilty to comprehend the meanings of a language so simple and obvious to women, and that is, on some technical level of syntax, but certainly not of semantics, his own.

See you in estrogenic hell,
Shakes.