Good Vibrations

I warn you now that the next story is not for the easily offended, nor the meek of heart, but it is so outrageously funny, that it had to be told. If you are not one to appreciate good ol' raunchy hilarity, then DO NOT read on.
It was in the fledgling stages of my relationship with my ex-wife, shortly after she had moved in with me, that we had invited two of my friends over for a dinner party. Well, actually, only one of them was my friend. His name was Todd. The other was a girl with whom he had also just begun a relationship and whom he was desperately trying to impress. He had done well so far and the time had come to introduce her to some of his friends. With friends like me, he was feeling uneasy to say the least. He should have followed the instincts of his better judgement.
Dinner had been polite and uneventful and Todd was beginning to relax a little as we retired to the living room for wine and conversation. Rory was only two at the time and had been wonderfully well behaved all evening. He disappeared downstairs (where the bedrooms were in this particular condo) to play in his bedroom for a while. We thought nothing of it.
Several minutes of banal conversation ensued and we were all relaxed and comfortable. It seemed as though Todd would escape an evening with Dave in the presence of his new girlfriend unscathed. Not so.
Now I believe that I am a satisfactory lover and I enjoy recreational intimacy as much as the next person, so Jennifer's "endtable hardware" was considered as much fun to me as it was her and we were both sure that 'it' was safely stowed in its bedside home. Not so.
When everything seemed safe, wouldn't you know it, but Rory comes bobbing up the stairs into the middle of our conversation with a blue sparkling 'cylinder', in full vibration, hands it to Jennifer and says, "Look Mommy. I brought you your blue sparkle toy!" - bzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Todd did a spit-take of wine across the living room, Jennifer released a shocked gasp of humiliation and disbelief, Todd's guest's jaw dropped open...and I burst into side-splitting laughter. In only a moment, the humour of the situation was apparent to all, and the room echoed with the laughter of four adults, and the confused giggle of a two-year-old.
Although it wasn't even remotely my fault, for some reason Jennifer never really forgave me. Later when I told that story during my speech at Todd's wedding, she never forgave me again. I think I'm beginning to realize why I'm divorced. Ah well; live and learn.
See you in hell,
Shakes.